


One More Lifetime Swallowed Up

by tattooedsiren



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-08-13
Updated: 2012-08-13
Packaged: 2017-11-12 01:14:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/484980
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tattooedsiren/pseuds/tattooedsiren
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Mike realized the calibre of his mistake, experienced that awful moment of clarity when he realized what he had done, he went to Harvey. Because he learnt not only from his mistakes but the mistakes of others, and he trusted Harvey, more than anyone he had ever met, and if there was a way out of this then Harvey would find it.  Only he didn't. He tried, Mike knows that he did, but there was no way back, only the inevitable way forward. And when Jessica told him that he was fired he didn't fight or yell or display any other overt emotion. He was eerily calm, because Mike had seen this coming, not just when he realized the gravity of his error, but years before.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One More Lifetime Swallowed Up

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [this prompt](http://suits-meme.livejournal.com/10789.html?thread=3314469#t3314469) on the suits-meme. Spoilers up to 2x05. Title comes from First Chance by David Gray.

The worst part was that he couldn't even say that he never saw this coming.

Okay, so that wasn't really the worst part. The worst part was that he fucked up, irrevocably, made a mistake so big not even Harvey could save him. He had to leave Pearson Hardman, this building of glass and concrete that was the only place he had ever felt real and important and worthy. In the three years since Mike had first walked through these doors he had grown up, grown into the man he had always wanted to become. He had a purpose, found somewhere where he could put his talents to good use, found somewhere to finally call home. And now, he would be losing all that and more.

When he realized the calibre of his mistake, experienced that awful moment of clarity when he realized what he had done and what it meant and how there was no pretending like it didn't happen or hoping that it would just go away, he went to Harvey. Because he learned not only from his mistakes but the mistakes of others, and he trusted Harvey, more than anyone he had ever met, and if there was a way out of this then Harvey would find it.

Only he didn't. He couldn't. He tried, Mike knows that he did, but there was no way back, only the inevitable way forward. And when Jessica told him that he was fired he didn't fight or yell or display any other overt emotion. He was eerily calm, because Mike had seen this coming, not just when he realized the gravity of his error, but years before.

When Mike watched Donna leave, a cardboard box in her arms as she walked across the floor to the elevator bay, when he saw Harvey meet her there and watched as they exchanged a look that spoke a thousand words, he just knew. He knew somewhere deep in his bones that one day he would walk across the floor of Pearson Hardman to the elevator bay where a stoic Harvey would be waiting.

Because there was no way this could ever have lasted. Even when Jessica found out the truth and allowed him to stay (when Harvey forced her to let him stay, when Harvey put himself in the line of fire for him) he knew even then that it was temporary, a stop gap measure putting off the inevitable. It was always too good to last.

And he remembers knowing in that moment, watching Donna and Harvey say goodbye despite everything they had been through, that one day something irrevocable would happen and he and Harvey would be forced out of each other's lives. That's exactly what he remembers – not the knowledge that one day he would have to worry about getting a new job or figuring out how to pay for Grammy's care and his rent or any of that – it was the idea that he and Harvey would be separated that tore at his soul.

And now the day he envisioned but always hoped would never materialize had finally come to pass. He had packed up his desk, ignoring the whispered words of the associates milling around, and with a small sigh he hooked his messenger bag over his shoulder, picked up the box, and started the long walk to the elevators. And to further complete the perfect reversal from last time, from the corner of his eyes he could see Donna and Rachel keeping silent vigil as they watched him go.

Harvey was waiting for him. Of course Harvey was waiting for him. He wanted to tell Harvey that he was sorry, that he wished things were different. But he didn’t need to. Because they've had that conversation already; when Mike went to Harvey to confess, he immediately thereafter spilled apologies and regrets until Harvey cut him off with a hand gripping his shoulder tight, and when Harvey told him that he would find a way to fix this Mike had really wanted to believe him.

But time had taught him that despite initial impressions, Harvey wasn't infallible. He was human, he made mistakes too, and he wasn't omniscient, couldn’t just wave a hand and make everything better.

He could feel Harvey's gaze on him as he waited for the elevator. He couldn’t look at Harvey, knew that one moment of meeting Harvey's stare was the one thing that could make him finally break down over this. He kept his eyes forward, averted, and when the doors opened he walked in without a second's hesitation.

Only, as the doors were closing they suddenly weren't anymore, and before Mike had time to process what was happening Harvey had rushed into the elevator carriage and the doors closed behind him.

"Harvey," Mike exclaimed as soon as the power of speech returned to him. "What the hell are you doing?" Because it was the middle of the day and he had places to be and people to sue and he didn't need to be here, with Mike.

"I don't know," Harvey replied, and Mike could tell that Harvey's own actions were a surprise to him. He had that wild look about him, the same one Mike hadn't seen in years, not since the Clifford Danner case. And the only thing it told Mike was to prepare for anything.

Mike hitched his cardboard box onto his hip so he could reach out to Harvey with his other arm, hand grabbing tight to Harvey's forearm. "Harvey."

"We can fix this," Harvey said, stepping that much closer to Mike, desperate and wild. "We can."

But they can't. And Harvey knew that. They'd already tried and failed. There was nothing to be done. "No, we can't."

"I won't lose you," Harvey declared. 

His words were so sure, so emphatic, even though Mike had to wonder if he had even meant to say them out loud. Harvey was a pile of movement, shifting his weight from foot to foot, and Mike placed the box on the floor so he could step closer, place both hands on Harvey's upper arms. He didn't think it would be this way, him comforting Harvey when he was the one who had just lost everything. But then again, maybe he wasn't the only one who had lost everything. Maybe Harvey had too. 

It was a heady thing, to hear those words, those words that so perfectly echoed Mike's own thoughts from years before. It wasn't about the job or the work or the money, not really, not any more. It was about them. It was always about them. But to hear Harvey admit to that, to actually say the words out loud and to Mike's face, it was overwhelming.

The sound of elevator doors opening as they reached the ground floor pulled Mike from his thoughts, which he was thankful for, because he honestly had no idea what to say in that moment. Only now that they were at ground level and Harvey had picked up his box of belongings before striding into the lobby, the feeling of not knowing what to say was taken over by the feeling of not knowing what to do. Instinct and habit kicked in, and he blindly followed Harvey, through the lobby and out of the building. Because that was what they did, wasn’t it? Harvey led and Mike followed, unquestioningly. 

Mike caught up just as Harvey slipped into the busy New York streets. He fell into step beside Harvey, who was walking with a determination that made Mike want to question where they were going. But the streets were too loud and his thoughts were too jumbled and he thought that if he started speaking he might say things that he shouldn't, so he kept quiet and followed along.

The restaurant when they entered it was a cool relief of silence and stillness. It was mid-afternoon, past the lunch rush but before dinner, so the room was practically empty. They settled themselves in a booth at the back of the room, Harvey unceremoniously dumping Mike's cardboard box onto the floor.

A waitress appeared before Mike had a chance to speak, and after ordering drinks they were mercifully alone. And for some inane reason the first words out of Mike's mouth since Harvey had made his determined statement were, "You shouldn't be here."

Harvey, for some reason, looked faintly amused. "No, I shouldn't. I should be in the office working on the Clarkson case. But when my associate is fired, that unfortunately takes precedence."

And for the first time, the reality of the situation began to sink in. He was fired. He had no job, no income. And honestly, the lack of a steady stream of incoming money was concerning, but not as worrying as it would be to anyone else. Because, as previously stated, Mike knew that this day would come sooner or later (although he honestly thought it would be because his lack of law degree was discovered by someone who would expose him, thereby forcing him out, and not due to his own incompetence). His pay from Pearson Hardman had been more than healthy, so while his fellow Associates were paying off school debts he was stockpiling as much as he could. He knew it wouldn't last forever of course (according to his calculations he could keep himself and Grammy fed and sheltered for approximately fourteen months) but it would last long enough until he found something else. 

Only, he didn't know what else he could do. He had no qualifications in anything, he had no experience in anything that wasn't illegal, but more than that, he didn't _want_ to do anything other than this. It had ruined him for everything else. _Harvey_ had ruined him for everything else. 

"Harvey," he said, hating how desperate and lost his own voice sounded.

The effect his tone had on Harvey was instant. Harvey immediately had him pinned under his hard stare. "Mike, listen to me. _We will fix this_."

Mike let out a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. He never thought he would see the day when Harvey would believe what he wanted to be true, not what he knew to be true. Because there was no going back from this. Ever. And yet, there was something strangely comforting about Harvey's vehemence. Mike knew that they couldn't fix this, but seeing Harvey clinging to the idea of it, even when Mike knew that deep down even Harvey knew it couldn’t be done, was reassuring in a way it had no reason to be. He thought that maybe, if Harvey would be willing to fight so hard, was in such denial about the situation they had found themselves in, that maybe he didn't want to let go of Mike as much as he didn’t want to let go of Harvey. And if they could both admit to that, that they wanted to remain in each other's lives, then that was half the battle fought and won. They just had to find a way to make time for each other, find a way to make room for each other in their new lives.

And suddenly Mike was breathing that much easier. He even managed a small smile when he said, "No, we won't. But we can still be friends, Harvey."

Harvey's reaction was not at all what Mike anticipated. He scoffed, and muttered, "Friends," like he had never heard anything so ridiculous in his whole life.

Dread flooded through Mike's veins. Had he read the whole thing wrong? His hands were wringing in his lap as he gathered the courage to ask, "Don't you want to be friends?"

Harvey's head snapped up at that. His expression was shocked, offended, like he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Mike could feel his heart thudding against his ribs but he refused to look away. If this was it, if Harvey was about to tell him that they were done, he would at least make Harvey say it to his face.

"After everything we-" Harvey stopped mid sentence, mid thought. Mike was confused and anxious, had no idea where this conversation was going. He felt like everything was spiraling out of control. He watched Harvey take a deep breath and waited with more patience than he knew he possessed as Harvey gathered his thoughts. And when he spoke again, it was calm but plaintive. "You'd really settle for that?"

There were no words to articulate just how surprised Mike was by Harvey's words and everything they implied. He wanted to look away, to gather his thoughts, but Harvey's gaze was too strong, pinning him in place. 

_You'd really settle for that_. He could of course be referring to their relationship as colleagues, as a team, but he wasn't, and they both knew it. Harvey was admitting to what they had never acknowledged; that there was something between them, something more. It had been there for as long as Mike could remember, but it was also dangerous, so they had ignored it in the hope that it would go away. But it never did. And now it’s the only they had left between them.

Mike opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by their waitress returning with their drinks. He smiled politely at her as she put the glasses on the table, even as he wished her gone. When they were alone again Mike leaned forward, mentally cursing the table between them. He wanted to be closer to Harvey. He needed it.

"Harvey, I would have whatever I could with you. Anything. _Everything_. But if all you can offer is friendship then I will take it, gladly."

Harvey bit his lower lip, like he was suddenly nervous beneath the power of Mike's words. Mike found the action completely adorable, even though the word sounded wrong in his head. _Harvey_ and _adorable_ didn't really belong in the same sentence, the latter word too juvenile, too insignificant. But in that moment, that hush after he had essentially declared his feelings for his boss (okay, ex-boss now, and wouldn't it take some time to wrap his head around _that_ ) it was the best he could do.

"I want-"

Whatever Harvey wanted Mike didn't find out, because he was cut off by the sound of his cell ringing loudly. They just stared at each other as the phone rang. It was the real world intruding on one of the most significant moments of their lives and Mike wanted nothing more than to throw the phone across the room and ask Harvey exactly what it was he wanted. But instead he simply gave Harvey a small nod and the older man grimaced an apology as he answered the phone.

"Yes, Jessica?"

And Mike knew that the moment was over.

"You just fired Mike. Where the fuck do you think I am?"

Mike couldn’t help but smile at that, head hung low so Harvey couldn’t see. The idea that at this moment Harvey cared more about him than anything else was overwhelming, and Harvey telling Jessica she should've known he would follow Mike out the door was beyond that. Plus there was the little matter of Harvey swearing. It was something Mike didn’t hear too often but he loved it. It was Harvey forgetting his high and mighty façade and just submitting to the emotions of the moment. And there was something about the way Harvey's voice sounded when he swore, low and rough, that really fucking turned him on.

"I'm on my way," Harvey said before he hung up the phone. He looked at Mike apologetically and said, "I gotta go."

Mike nodded in reply. He understood that Harvey had commitments he needed to get to, but he couldn’t deny that he was terrified about what would happen next, when he was left alone with nothing but his thoughts. He wanted to delay facing the reality of being fired for as long as possible. But more than anything he wanted (he _needed_ ) to know what was going on between them.

Harvey stood and threw some bills on the table to cover their drinks. Mike looked up as Harvey took a tentative step forward. "Can I call you later?"

Mike wanted to laugh at how uncertain he sounded. Because Harvey was never unsure or tentative about anything. He demanded what he wanted whenever he wanted it, and Mike realized that his uncertainty stemmed from being unsure if Mike was something he could have. Mike didn't know how Harvey could've missed it – he was his in every way.

"I'll be free," Mike replied jokingly, and he wasn’t prepared for the look of guilt that crossed Harvey's face. Because Harvey had nothing to feel guilty for. This was Mike's mistake, and Harvey had done everything he could and Mike couldn't ask for more than that.

He wanted to reach out and touch him, a reassuring hand to his arm, wanted to tell him that he didn't blame him for anything. And just as Mike had reached out to do so, Harvey leaned down and kissed him. It was chaste, just the simple pressing of lips, but Harvey lingered until Mike got over his initial surprise and returned the kiss. But as soon as it started it was over, Harvey drawing back. 

Mike wasn't willing to let this go, not yet, so he pulled on Harvey's tie hanging mid-air between them and tugged him back down. Harvey stumbled a step closer but recovered quickly, deepening the kiss, a hand to the back of Mike's neck as they opened their mouths to each other, a small moan escaping Mike's throat at the first touch of their tongues.

Harvey reluctantly pulled away and Mike couldn’t help but grin at the look on Harvey's face. Mike could tell he really wanted to stay here with Mike, or better yet adjourn to somewhere private, but there were clients waiting and lawsuits to be won and as much as he would've liked to Mike couldn't keep him here to himself. 

"Go on," he told Harvey. "Call me later."

Harvey nodded, kissing him once more before walking away.

Left alone for the first time since his whole world changed, Mike sat in the booth, sipping his drink. He knew he should be freaking out about losing his job, and part of him was. But the more dominant part of Mike was thinking about Harvey, remembering the feel of his lips against his, imagining all they could be to each other. It had a calming influence on him, made him feel like if he was living in a world where he and Harvey could be with each other, then all the rest of it would work itself out. And he smiled, content at last.


End file.
